he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
