i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
