You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Randomize
