He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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