her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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