It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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