my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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