He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Randomize
