Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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