Where is the hickey?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
