Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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