am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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