I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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