Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
