he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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