We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
