I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
