Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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