walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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