I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I think my moral compass just broke
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
