If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
