whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
