oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
