why didn't you poke me back
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
how drunk are you?
Several
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
