yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
