I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
