We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
