I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
being pregnant is like rehab
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize