guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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