I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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