FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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