according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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