Sponge bath it is.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
