3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
