just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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