I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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