I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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