so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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