I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
