i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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