And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
