Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
