When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
