You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
