apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
