Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
