So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
