I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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