she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
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