I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
