Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
