I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
