The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
